but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
