About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
