you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
