You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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