you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
