You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
