The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
