Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
