my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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