He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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