His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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