So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
