I wish they made helmets for livers.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
