So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
