It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
That's intense
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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