Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
