Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
