she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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