the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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