Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
