the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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