My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
