This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
