So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
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