also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i will never coherently bang her
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
