Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

ya dads aren't the best wingmen

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1

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(212): View more from New York

Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

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(715): View more from Wisconsin

All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.

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(734): View more from Michigan

Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.

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(210): View more from Texas

I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker

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(802): View more from Vermont

I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future

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(928): View more from Arizona

What's the plan?

(1-928): View more from Arizona

Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.

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