Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
