hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
