fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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