The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
