Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
