i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
