I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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