I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
