that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize