Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
