she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Randomize