wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
