Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize