The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
