I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
