I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
