My nipple is on Facebook.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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