1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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