I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
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