Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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