Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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