Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize