Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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