She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
