last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
