Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
