She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
