Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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