Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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