I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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