I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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