Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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