I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
zippers are such a cool invention
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
