your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
