Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
