I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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