When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize