I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Two words: nipple clamps
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