i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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