a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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