I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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