I'm going to jail i love you
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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