just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize