i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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