i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
