when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
