OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
