New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I can't turn off my feet"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
