he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
