Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize