I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she woke up with a sticky ear
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
