I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize