I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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