I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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