I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
