after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
