I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
So much Jack, so little girl.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Randomize
