You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
