she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize