just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
