I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
