Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
