just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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