Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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