They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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