All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
