Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
