Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
