the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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