Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize