Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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