You can't special order awesome
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
whose ass print is on the piano?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
