Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
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