you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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