guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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