i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
