Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
