if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
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