dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
