are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
