shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
