Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
